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John

Chapter 3

Still Holding Out For You – Shedaisy

Never thought I'd be in this placeIt's someone else's life I'm livingWish I were living a lieThe hardest part is when the bough breaksFalling down and then forgivingYou didn't kiss me good-byeI'm choking on the words I didn't get to sayAnd pray I get the chance one day

John lay awake watching his two boys from his place in some half junked motel room. Never in his life would he have thought he would be here, something had taken one of the three things that meant the world to him. They had taken his wife, his boys mother. He wished he could wake up and find out that it was all a nightmare that she was still alive and sleeping next to him. He wished that he’d been faster or something maybe he’d been laying beside her, but he wasn’t and he knew it was the truth, he never got a farewell kiss from his beloved, he never got to see her again. He just hoped one day he got the chance to see her again and then it would finally be over.

I still run, I still swing open the doorI still think, you'll be there like beforeDoesn't everybody out there know to never come aroundSome things a heart won't listen toI'm still holding out for you

His heart still cried out for her hoping that she was there and when he woke up he wanted to see, her touch her, but that was not a choice anymore. He held a light inside his heart waiting for the day that he could get to see her again.

I can hear you smile in the darkI can even feel you breathingBut daylight chases the ghostsI see your coat and I fall apartTo those hints of you I'm clinging

Now's when I need them mostI should get up, dry my eyes and move aheadAt least that's what you would have said

The thought that he could hear her smile as she laughed about something that he’d done in the years prier. He could feel her breathing beside him as he slept some nights and he wanted to stay that way forever, but he new it was just his mind. The morning would come and the ghost that he felt left being replaced by reality. The only thing he had left from the fire that had been hers was a jacket she had worn that morning before the fire. He never throw it away he needed it some days not letting his boys see that he was weak, but he clung to the memory that was there.

I still run, I still swing open the doorI still think, you'll be there like beforeDoesn't everybody out there know to never come aroundSome things a heart won't listen toI'm still holding out for you

Faithfully, I trace your name while you sleepIt's the only true comfort I feel

Writing her name down sometimes could bring him comfort. Sometimes it felt like the only thing that could on the days that he thought he wasn’t making a difference as he hunted for the thing that had taken her from them.

I still run, I still swing open the doorI still think you'll be there like before

I still run, I still swing open the doorI still think, you'll be there like beforeDoesn't everybody out there know to never come aroundSome things a heart won't listen toI'm still holding out for you

Twenty-three years and his own death later John Winchester meet up with his wife at the gates of heaven. He just hoped that he could come in after all the things that he’d done over the years the things that he’d done for his family. And when she took his hand and led him through the door he knew the waiting was over he’d finally found her again.

Holding outHolding out for you