Harry Potter And The Demigod Mortal At Twilight

Hogwarts

The Great Hall

Scene 1

Dumbledore:  Listen up! We have some new changes going on at Hogwarts this year, so I would appreciate if you would all shut the fuck up!

Minerva: ALBUS!

Dumbledore: Ugh! Anyways, from Half Blood Hill we have Annabeth Chase, Percy Jackson, and Grover Underwood.

Harry: OH SHIT! WE’VE GOT PERRRRRRRCY!!!

Dumbledore: Shut up! You’re not the shit anymore! Just take your ass a seat!

Harry (whispering): Bitch!

Dumbledore: Okay so Percy will be in Gryffendor, Annabeth in Ravenclaw, and Grover in Slytherin.

Ginny: PPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRCCCCCCCCCCYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

Harry: What the fuck?

Dumbledore: Okay and from Clave academy we have Clary Fray, and Jace Lightwood.

Annabeth:  JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Percy:  WTF?

Annabeth: Sorry.

Dumbledore: Jace will be in Slytherin because of his “father figure” Valentine. And Clary will be in Gryffendor. And from LaPush High and Forks High. Jacob Black, Bella Swan, and Edward Cullen.

Ginny: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDWWWWWAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRDDDDDDDD!

Harry: Ummmmm. . . . hello?

Dumbledore: Now Edward is in Slytherin, Jacob in Hufflepuff, and Bella in Gryffndor. Hmmmmmm….. Nitwit, Tampon, Fuck You! And enjoy your dinner!

Harry: So what’s up bruh?

[All of a sudden a lightning bolt, and a trident appear on top of Harry’s head.]

Percy: What the fuck? How could Zeus and Poseidon be your father?

Harry: Because I’m The Chosen One! See? It’s even capatilized.

Percy: Well I met the gods. You haven’t seen Poseidon!

Hermione: Well he is the only one that was ever claimed by two gods.

Ron: He just loves to be in the spot light.

Harry: Fuck you! Cause I’M HARRY POTTER! Now pass me the salt!

Slytherin Table

Jace: So what do you guys learn here?

Edward: Dude. . . . really?? You got a fine ass chick and you could be mackin’ on Bella and you’re asking ‘what do you learn’???

Jace: I’ll kick your ass! Pass me your wand Malfoy!

Malfoy: Here. . . .

Edward: Pass me your wand Crabs

Crabbe: It’s Crabbe, not crabs… here.

[Edward and Jace are pointing wands at each other. And Grover starts to play his reed pipes.]

Jace and Edward together: SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Later that night

[Harry and Ginny are kissing]

Harry: I love you Bella…

Ginny: Yo bruh you got it twisted.

Harry: it was an accident!  I was just thinkin…

Ginny: Thinkin what??? I’ll kill you!!!

[Ginny walks away and Percy appears]

Harry: Hey Percy

Percy: Yea hey Harry. I think there’s a problem with the bathrooms.

Harry: What do you mean?

Percy: I keep seeing Avatar The Last Airbender popping out of random places blowing wind in my face when I’m taking a shit.

Harry: Oh that’s it? Just like grind up some breath mints and blow it in his face.

Percy: Thanks dude, you got something on your mind?

Harry: ……….. I think I want to leave Hogwarts. . . . . . forever!

[A first year starts to play “All By Myself by Tom Jones]

Percy: TURN THAT SHIT OFF OR I’LL KICK YOUR LITTLE ASSES!!!