April 25

Dear Diary,

You won’t believe were I’m going this summer!!!! A place were Mom said she’d never take me………but I finally am! CAMP!!!!!!!!! Can you believe it?!!!! I’m so happy I could sing like a song bird flying up high in the sky! THANK GOD!!!!!!!!! And that’s not even the best part…..it’s a Christian camp (that’s the only reason Mom agreed to it). That means I’ll not only have a chance to meet new people….but I’ll meet Christian people!!!!! YESSSSSS!!!!! Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for this!? Finally, Mom actually agrees to let me go to Camp. I’m actually going! This is beyond great! This is extraordinary! Mom and I are riding in the car! Only 20 more minutes away before I get to see my Dreamland! Camp Iron Cross is supposed to be the best Camp alive. I found it on the computer (the place Mom says I spend most of my life at). It has 3 acres of land and forest dedicated to hikes, nature walks, swims in lakes, Camp bunk areas, etcetera, etcetera. Mom and me just passed a couple of Farm fields, so this place should be all its worth talking about. I really hope I meet some good friends here…that don’t care that I’m a little on the chubby side. (I can’t believe I just wrote that!!!!!). Everyone back home thinks I’m just a fat ugly cow. But here….I get to start over, meet new people. I pray to God He’ll send some friends my direction. Actually nice, friendly, good people. Not just people who feel sorry for me. I hope this Camp is all I want it to be, because I’m not looking forward to disappointment. L ! Oh! We’re here! Oh THANK GOD!!! It looks so wonderful!!!!! There’s all these girls and boys unloading buses with duffle bags, …………..and………. I’ll have to write later! I’m here! I’m finally here!!!!!!

- Ana

Ana Sanchez pushed open the passenger door with excitement as

her mother pulled the car to a stop. “Wow!” Ana said as she looked around her. Everywhere there were smiling girls and boys hoping out of big yellow rusty buses, carrying duffle bags. Laughing, talking, kissing their cell phones goodbye. So many people that Ana couldn‘t believe her eyes. Everything seemed so cheerful. The way the toothpick thin girls threw their hair back with one swing as they walked around in their short shorts and tank tops. Ana looked down at her own body. She had in a big white t-shirt to cover up her enormous boobs that made her look like a 17 year old, and tight baggy jeans that hug to her sacky legs. Well, she didn’t look like the other girls……but at least she was trying. And she still felt welcomed…..that was the important thing. “I can’t believe this is what we drove 3 hours to see” Ana’s mother, Maria, said as she stepped out of their tiny minivan. Taking in all of the kids and the counselors in red t-shirts blowing whistles and calling out names. Ana smiled at her mom, embarrassed that she was the only one who seemed to be arriving in a car. Everyone else was coming by the buses. “Mom, it’s a cool camp okay? Can you at least try to act happy for me?” Ana asked as she quickly opened up her car door again, grabbing her suitcase with her clothes, shampoo, tampons, lotions, Diary, and of course…..her Bible. (After all this was a Christian Camp). Who wouldn’t bring their Bible? “I don’t know” Maria said as she adjusted the glasses on top of her head,” This just doesn’t seem like you An, I mean with the lake, hiking, and outdoor activities and all” she said with a motion towards a group of girls who were laughing and kicking around a soccer ball, waiting for their names to be called. Ana‘s face burned, and she was glad that her face was golden, or else her mother would have seen how red her cheeks were from the inside. “Mom, I just really want to do this“ she said with a slam of her car door as she hoisted her suitcase on to her shoulder,” Why can‘t you understand that?” she asked meeting her mother‘s eyes. Ana already knew what Maria was trying to get at. She was saying that the point that Ana was fat meant she shouldn‘t be at Camp. A physical camp at that. The only camp Maria probably thought was right for Ana was a Fat Camp. Maria sighed,” Look An, I didn‘t mean it like that“ she said in a earnest voice,” It’s just that your always writing or on your computer…….I never thought you’d actually really want to go to Camp” she said with a shake of her head,” I just don’t want you to get hurt”. As Maria said this last part, her voice filled with emotion. Ana nodded, she knew where her mom was getting at. This was all about Ana getting teased like she did at home. Maria just didn’t want to see Ana get hurt again. “I’m not going to be able o protect you Ana” Maria said with a bite of her lip,” it they…….you know” she said with a whisper. Ana nodded and swallowed hard. She hated these emotional moments with her mom. Not because they were bad or corny, but because she always felt like she wanted to cry at the end. “It’s a Christian Camp Mom” Ana said as she switched her suitcase to the other side of her shoulder,” I’ll be fine”. Maria looked at Ana and smiled a tiny weak smile,” Of course you will sweetie“ she said sadly,” But if they do tease you, you just call and let me know. And I‘ll be right here before you know it okay?” she asked. Ana nodded,” Yes Mom“ she said with a whole heart. She could almost feel the tears welling up in her eyes. Just what she needed……a big emotional moment on he first day of camp. Maria looked at her,” Well I guess I should be going“ she said reluctantly. Ana dropped he suitcase to the ground and fiddled with the zipper,” Yeah…..I guess so“. Maria smiled at Ana with sad eyes, “See you later Honey, I‘ll call you. Have a good time“ she said as she started to get in the car. Ana snapped her head up, ”Mom! Wait!” she said as she ran towards her mom‘s car door. She leaned over the window shield, hearing a little squeak as her fat stomach pushed up against the glass,” I love you“ she said quietly. Maria smiled and reached out the other side of the window to squeeze Ana‘s hand, ”I love you to. Have a great time“. Then Ana backed away and watched in silence as her mother pulled out behind the unloading buses, and drove back towards their home. Some three hours away. Ana sighed and walked back to her suitcase, grabbing its handle. She had her back facing against the crowd of kids and counselors and she suddenly felt……..alone. She closed her eyes, feeling the tears she felt earlier. Why was this so hard? Isn‘t this what she always wanted? To start over again? To regain a new leaf to her wilting Maple tree? It seemed that was what she wanted…..but she didn‘t know if she could handle it. With her mother gone, the world seemed empty, like an abandoned shack with no owner. She squeezed her eyes harder, seeing the colors of darkness. Here, in here own little world of nothingness, she could see nothing. She couldn’t see her ugly bulges of fat, she couldn’t see the way she looked in a mirror (like a hideous monster) all she could see was darkness. And she liked it here. But wait! Ana couldn’t help but thinking…..isn’t this just what the Devil wanted from her? To keep on going in darkness? To keep on seeing herself as some kind of monster? He wanted to destroy her. He wanted to end her life. He wanted her to think she was nothing, that she wasn’t a person. That she was just some big fat mistake God put on this earth. But Ana knew she wasn’t, Ana knew God had made her for a purpose. And isn’t that what the Bible said that “God is the light and in Him is no darkness”? So if Ana truly believed in Christ like she said she did, then she shouldn’t be in the darkness, No, she should come to the light. And, as she opened he eyes, that’s exactly what she did.

As Ana opened her eyes, she could feel the sunlight radiating off of her back. She sighed and began to turn around, ready to go over to were all the other kids were at. But as she turned around, she nearly knocked herself out to see a boy about her age standing there looking at her with a smile on his face. “Um…..I’m sorry…I didn’t know anyone was right behind me. Are we not supposed to be standing over here? I was just about to go over there with the other kids. You see my Mom dropped me off……. Which I know sounds stupid since everyone else rode the bus. But its my first year here…..so I didn’t know, and we only live three hours away, so it wasn’t a big thing” Ana realized she was babbling, but couldn’t stop. The guy was just so cute. He had golden blond hair that shone as the sun rays reflected off his long curls, his eyes were as green as a crystal tote bag , and he was tall…..very tall. Ana couldn’t believe he was smiling at her. It was such a awesome smile that it made Ana’s mind think about cotton candy and adorable little kittens and puppies. No boy had ever even looked twice in her direction, unless it was to ask if they could borrow a pencil for a test they were taking in school that day. “No, it’s okay actually” the boy said studding Ana with a wry smile, “ I just thought you were upset or something……I saw you standing over here by yourself and wanted to see if you needed any help” the boy said brightly. “Saw you standing over here by yourself” the words cut through Ana like a razor. That meant he’d seen her. Actually seen her!!! He noticed her, spotted her, whatever you called it…..and he wanted to see if she was okay. Ana’s heart started to do gymnastics. No boy had ever said anything like that to her. Ever! But then again……she was a fat girl standing by a suitcase all by herself with her eyes closed…..that practically pointed out craziness all over the place. Ana looked down at the ground, trying to hide her face with her long curly jet black hair,” Y-yeah I’m okay” she stammered. The boy smiled,” Great!” he said cheerfully,” I’m Josh by the way” he said sticking out a hand. For a moment Ana just looked at it, as if touching it would infect her with HOTS FOR THIS CUTE GUY syndrome. But she timidly took his hand in her big fat one and shook it, “Ana Sanchez “ she said, angry at herself for taking so long to shake his hand. He probably thought she was an idiot or something. “Well Ana, I think your going to like it here at Iron Cross” he said with another dazzling smile as they left go of each others hand,” Just tell me how old you are and I can point you in the right direction. I’m, as you can clearly see, am an experienced Crosser”. Ana laughed, truly meaning it, “ I’m fourteen” she said with a quick smile. Josh raised his eyebrows, “ You don’t say?” he asked playfully, “ Why Miss Sanchez, I do believe we’re in the same bunk squad.” he said with a phony old timey accent and a courteous bow. Ana smiled and blushed,” But, Mr. Josh, if you don’t mind me saying, wouldn’t it be unjust if we were to be in the same cabin squad? Seeing as I am a lady and you yourself are a respectable man. It would be, if not unrighteous, than boisterous of you to lead me to the men’s cabins.” she said playing along. Josh’s eyes twinkled and Ana felt her heart kick as he smiled at her with a awestricken face, “ I do believe your right ma’m, to lead you in to the men’s cabins would betray me! Not only as a gentleman, but as a knight and hero to you and your family!” he said winking at Ana. Ana smiled. Josh looked at her, “ Wow, you can really act” he said in a regular voice. Ana shrugged and smiled looking down again, “ I write a lot of Fan fiction on my computer……and sometimes I get a little carried away and start acting them out by myself in my room”. Once the words were out of her mouth, Ana regretted saying them, she looked up at Josh in alarm. Whether or not to see if he’d be giving her the,” she’s weird” look, or the,” Okay crazy girl” look. But as she stared at his face, she saw neither. Josh was smiling,” Well Miss Sanchez, I think God put you in the right place, because at Iron Cross, we have a drama class. You can sign up if you want, I am, so you should too. I’ll look for you” he said smiling. Ana nodded. Suddenly there was a loud whistle being blown, both Josh and Ana snapped their heads around to see a counselor blowing her whistle furiously at the two of them. She held her clipboard in one hand and was looking at the both of them with annoyed eyes. Obviously, she had been blowing her whistle for a long time now. But Ana had forgotten all about where she was, once she started talking to Josh. “Thank you God,” Ana thought quietly as she watched Josh wave to the annoyed counselor, “ I’ve got a new friend”. “Yo Josh! Stop hogging up all of my kids! Be a ladies man on your own time!” The counselor said in a playful voice. Ana could feel her cheeks burn as a bunch of kids stared at them. Josh flashed the counselor a smile,” Yeah, Yeah, Sandra. I was just seeing if Ana here needed any help” he said casually, and gave Ana a squeeze on the shoulder, “ see you later” he said. And with that, he disappeared in the field of campers. Ana watched as Sandra- the counselor- came over to her,” Your Ana Sanchez?” she asked with a bright smile. Ana looked at her. Sandra was tall and thin, she looked a little over her twenties, maybe 28 or 29, but she was in good shape because she wore nice little white shorts, and a cute halter top that looked like it was made for a model. Ana nodded, “Yes, I am” she said, feeling already degraded by Sandra’s impressive sight. “Oh thank God kiddo!” Sandra said with a smile, “ I told Kallee we were missing someone…..but she didn’t believe me! Isn’t the Lord good? If I hadn’t come back out here, you might’ve never known were to go.” she scribble something on her clipboard and sighed a sigh of relief. Ana nodded and lifted her suitcase to her shoulder. She tried to search for Josh, but he was already out of sight in the disappearing sea of kids. “So Ana are you ready to make a large trek up to our bunk cabin?” Sandra’s voice said as Ana returned her attention to her new Camp counselor,” I’m Sandra but you can call me Miss Sandy, I’ll be one of your Camp counselors for these three and a half months. Your other counselor, Miss Kallee is up at the cabin with the other girls putting their luggage away and claiming bunks before we have to go to the annual camp fire. This is your first year at Iron Cross isn’t it?” she asked Ana cheerfully. Ana nodded, hoping she didn’t seem like a weirdo in her jeans and t-shirt (but then again she was the only fat girl here, so that practically singled her out as a,” one of these things are not like the other” kind of girl). Miss Sandy smiled and started walking up to walkway that was surrounded by trees and that had a sign that said,” East wing Girls Cabins straight ahead”. Ana followed close behind and was awed at how shaded the area was as they got to the pathway. It seemed to be covered in trees that looked like it could have poison ivy on each side. “ This is the trail to the East Wing Girls cabins” Miss Sandy said to Ana as they began to walk,” If you ever get lost, just look for this sign and it’ll lead you in the right direction”. Suddenly, there was a large fork in the pathway that splitted up into three different paths. One path said, “ East Wing Girls 10-12”, the second path said,” East Wing Girls 13-14”, and the last pathway said, “ East Wing Girls 15-17”. Miss Sandy smiled at Ana and scribbled something down on her clipboard,” These pathways tell you were your age groups cabins are located, come on, let’s go” she said as they began to walk towards the East Wing Girls 13-14 pathway. Ana saw a group of girls headed toward the 10-12 East Wing Girls path, and as they did, they smiled and waved. Ana smiled and waved back, she’d never seen people so friendly before in her life. As they got father in to the path, Ana noticed that behind the trees, she could see little wooden cabins, and hear girl’s voices yelling and laughing. “There are approximately 10 cabins for the East Wing Girls 13-14 age group,” Miss Sandy said out of nowhere (Ana was beginning to get the feeling that Miss Sandy was the information lady),” In each cabin there are 8 girls, 2 to each bunk. We try to focus on a clean Christian environment that will enable each girl to understand more about herself as a person, and give her fellowship amongst other Christians like herself.” Ana nodded again, starting to feel the heaviness of her suitcase. She hadn’t been on a walk like this in years. She didn’t know if she could make it, she was practically drowning in sweat under her arms. But she tried to squeeze her arms closer together so Miss Sandy wouldn’t notice, and she tried to keep her breathing at an even pace. Although all she wanted to do was lie down somewhere and rest. “ Please God, give me strength” Ana prayed silently. “Okay,” Miss Sandy was saying now, “ Our cabins right through here”. There was a small miniature path that crossed through the woods. Ana and Miss Sandy followed it and as they got closer and closer to their cabin, they could hear the voices of girls. “ Hey!” one voice yelled,” Miss Sandy’s coming with the new girl!”. “YEAH, I SEE THEM!!!!” a louder voice called. Suddenly, Ana could see a cabin, and a group of girls standing on the porch watching her and Miss Sandy make their way up the path. Ana’s heart began to pound as she saw the girls, and she squeezed her arms tighter together. “ Hey Miss Sandy!” a girl with thick curly hair and braids bounced up and down on the porch waving at them, “ Is that the new girl?”. Miss Sandy smiled at Ana and yelled back,” Yes! This is Ana Sanchez, she’ll be joining our humble group”. All the girls seemed to be staring at Ana hard, and her heart began to pound even harder. “ God help please!” She pleaded within her mind. Finally, they were at the cabin, and Ana put her suitcase on the ground. Her forehead was sweaty, her palms were sweaty, her hair was sweaty, her whole body was sweaty, she was just sweaty all around. But that didn’t stop her from smiling at the group of girls with a big smile as they looked at her with curious eyes. “Hi, I’m Ana!” she said with her best muster of enthusiasm. A girl that was really tall and had long deep cherry red hair clipped in to a pony tail smiled,” Hi, I’m Tessa this is Carleigh” she said pointing to a girl with dark brown hair and caramel colored skin who was sitting on a porch swing next to a girl with murky blond hair,” Kelley , Josie” she said motioning to the girl that had black curls and dark skin,” and Halley” the last girl was standing on the porch with dark sunglasses perched on her head and a skimpy little shirt on with short shorts, her blond hair was flipped over her shoulder and her heart shaped face and red cherry lips made a pouty expression, while her almond deep brown eyes looked at Ana with boredom. Ana’s heart dropped. “ The other two girls are inside” Tessa said as her introductions came to a stop. “Okay girls, let’s all help Ana in to the cabin please. Tessa do you mind getting her bag for her?” Miss Sandy said with a smile. Tessa nodded and jumped off the porch and smiled at Ana as she grabbed her suitcase. The rest of the girls started talking amongst each other and went into the cabin. Miss Sandy followed them, leaving Tessa and Ana outside by themselves. “So, how do you like Iron Cross so far?” Tessa asked as the last person went inside of the cabin. She swung Ana’s suitcase on her shoulder lie it was no problem. Ana noted that Tessa had muscular legs, as if she ran track, and her arms were tan and had a muscular build to them. But she seemed friendly. “It seems like a nice place to be” Ana said with a smile. Tessa nodded and grinned back,” It is. You really get to know God really well here, and the activities we do are awesome! I’ve been coming here since I was 10.” she said with a little shake of her head. Ana smiled, “Well, any advice to a newcomer?” she asked jokingly. Tessa laughed, “ Yeah, stay away from the woods, and don’t try using the bathroom there. Last year wasn’t so pretty. Let’s just say I got poison ivy in places that aren’t so worthy.” Ana didn’t know if Tessa was joking or not, but she busted out laughing anyway. Tessa smiled,” Oh yeah, and steer clear of Halley. She might be the Preacher’s kid, but I hear she forced to come to this camp every summer……she’s not a real Christian…..you know?” she looked warily into the screen door and Ana did too. While they could hear all the other girls laughing their butts off inside, they saw Halley alone whacking her Treaka (a cell phone) trying to get it to work. Ana nodded,.” But everyone else is cool right?” she asked warily. Tessa smiled, “ Of course, besides, you haven’t even met Bailey and Rebecca yet. Or Miss Kallee! You’ll love them! And there’s the camp fire! Come on, let’s go put your stuff away.” They walked up to the porch, and Ana couldn’t help but feel a wash of relief travel down he r spine, “ Thank you God!” she thought happily. She knew everything would be okay, a long as she had God on her side. And right now, he was looking out for her best intrest………………………………............................................................................