#1: Call him "Mrs." Darcy.

#2: Steal his top hat, and when he asks for it back, say; "Why? Do you desire to cover ye mullet?"

#3: Smack him and scream "NOT TODAY, NAUGHTY!!!" every time he tries to kiss Elizabeth (you might have to follow him around to catch him every time)

#4: Tell him he looks like Mr. Collins.

#5: Give him a Mr. Wickham blow-up doll for his birthday and attach a note to it that says; "You two play nice now!"

#6: Whistle the intro to "Ur So Gay" every time you see him.

#7: Ask him why he can't have "cool, jiggly hair" like Mr. Bingley does.

#8: Ask him to dance with you at least thirty times a day; when he replies with his surly "Not if I can help it.", run away crying and weeping and sobbing loudly for the whole world to hear.

#9: When he finally asks you to dance out of pity and anger, start singing "Can't Touch This", only replace the words with; "STOP! Darcy time! Da nanana! Nana! Nana! Not if I can help it!"

#10: Show him this list.

#11: Give his female fanclub his manor key to Pemberley.

#12: Scare him with all your cool modern technology.

#13: Tell him Elizabeth fancies Mr. Wickam, because every lady loves a man in uniform.

#14: "A sexy man in uniform!"

#15: If he ever slips past your defences and kisses Elizabeth, sing the chorus to "I Kissed A Girl".

#16: Tell him he must get his charm from his lovely Aunt Catherine De Bourgh.

#17: Put a large amount of maple syrup in his best top hat.

#18: When he inquires as to why you did number seventeen, simply state you were giving him mullet shampoo.

#19: Sign him up for the Men's Hare Club.

#20: Tell him Elizabeth said yes to Mr. Collins' proposal, but that you're still available (give him a really big, ugly grin when you say that last bit).

#21: Sneak into Pemberley and replace Georgiana's piano-forte with a Korg S-20.

#22: Tell him; "Big Bird called; he wants his nose back."

#23: Give him a big hug whenever Elizabeth is present.

#24: At the Sunday service at the local church, slap him with your glove whenever he tries to come in, while screaming at the top of your lungs; "BEGONE, FOUL DEMON! YOU ARE NOT WELCOME IN THIS HOLY PLACE!!!"

#25: Ask him where he got his nose job.

#26: Flick his nose whenever the opportunity arises.

#27: Inquire as to why a straight, married man would have swans at his house.

#28: When you are "invited" into his manor and are given a tour of his sculptures, scream "AHHH!!! IT'S SATAN!!!" when you reach the one resembling him.

#29: Then proceed to break it over his head.

#30: At the Meryton Town Ball, go over to the corner where he's sulking; throw blueberry muffins at him while screaming "EMO!! EMO EMO EMO!!! EEEEEMOOO!"

#31: Dump buckets of water over him whenever he's writing his "lettters of business".

#32: When he inquires as to why you did number thirty-one, simply state; "You looked thirsty from my point of view!" and then throw the empty bucket at his head.

#33: Tell him Liz jumped off a cliff. Conviently forget to mention that was a dream she had.

#34: Whenever he speaks to you, cover your nose and hand him some Tic-Tacs.

#35: Giggle manically when he can't get them open.

#36: Show him a picture of Matthew Macfayden.

#37: Put an angry monkey in a teapot and then give it to him as a "peace offering".

#38: Laugh and eat popcorn as he is attacked by the teapot monkey.

#39: Pronounce his name with a country accent ("Dee-Arr-Cay")

#40: Gasp and yell loudly that Mr. Darcy is cheating on Liz with Kiera Knightley whenever you are in a crowded room.