February 17th, 2010. I remember it so vividly. Every night, I wake up in a cold sweat. Breathing heavily, as if it almost happened again in my sleep. The cold air coming through my window from the winter bitten sky outside, can't cool me down. I still feel them. Crawling across my lungs. Tearing at my flesh from the inside out. Whenever I walk down the street, I bring a flashlight and a 44. magnum with me. Even if it's to the convenient store, three streets over, ran by the little Indonesian couple. It can be broad daylight outside, and yet I still carry a flashlight. Sometimes, well I used to, pray to God that he/she could put a luminated object in my head. Maybe that would keep them from scarring the back of my eyes even more. I look at the people wondering through the park, playing in the cold crisp winter snow. It almost made me smile whenI saw a couple ofyoung, no more than 4, year old boy and girl making snow angels. It's almost ironic, The pure white snow, in the shape of an angel. Take my word for it, they are not white. But enough of my ranting. Where was I...oh yes. Seeing those kids, It made me depressed, but also I kind of laughed to myself in a pittiful way. Their is so much joy on this deceasing planet we call home. People believeing that if they do what their parents and elders tell them, their God's will relieve them of all problems and they will live an eternity in prosperity, and joy after they have finished their time on this planet. That's where my laughter comes in. I've seen what this God's divine plan looks and feels like. Funny part a bout it, his/her significant other. Has a plan too. These kids are enjoying life to the fullest now, but none of it matters in the end. But for me, I wish The End was that easy for me.