Dustin ran screaming into Zoey's dorm, trailed by Carly, Sam, and Freddie. "Uncle Morris is dead!"

Zoey wondered. "We've got an uncle Morris?"

Dustin shrugged. "No more, as it seems ... but he seems to have been involved in the meat industry ..."

Zoey had no clue. "How do you know?"

"Look at that delivery van!" Dustin stepped up to the window.

Zoey choked. "Slabby Ribs? A whole van load?" She coughed. "We can't keep that much in here!"

"I know where to keep them!" Sam bellowed." She pointed at her stomach."

"Hey! Why not make a barbecue festival?" Dustin suggested.

Sam beamed brightly.

Zoey nodded. "That's a great idea!"

=cut=

=cut=

Dean Rivers entered the lounge. "Brooks, your barbecue event has been approved. Coco Wexler will supervise it. But look whom I've found here ..."

A mid-aged man entered the lounge. "Hey!"

"Pierre Le Mange from cooking channel!" Dean Rivers presented him. "He'll be the chief of the jury for the barbecue festival!"

Zoey greeted Le Mange. "OK, and Coco will be his assistant."

Carly greeted Le Mange in a friendly manner, too.

Michael beamed. "Finally, I may please the world with grandma's barbecue sauce!"

Logan sneered. "That's nothing compared to the world-famous Reese Rib Rub!"

Sam pulled Carly away. "I tell you something. The cooking channel is my favourite show ..."

Carly chuckled. "And why am I not really surprised?"

Sam pouted. "I've been watching it day and night. Thence I've seen Pierre Le Mange a gazillion of times on TV."

Carly scratched her head. "Wow, that's a surprise!" She chuckled even more.

"And I tell you ..." Sam breathed happily. "This guy over there is not, I repeat: not Pierre Le Mange!"

Carly almost shrieked. "What?"

"He can't fool the most dedicated watcher of the cooking channel!"Sam stated.

Carly scratched her head. "May you prove that he's an imposter?"

Sam shrugged. "Someone must build him a trap!" Sam chuckled. "But not before I'm stuffed with barbecue ribs!"

Carly shook her head. "Aw Sam!"

=cut=

=cut=

"Michael's barbecue sauce is yummy and sticky." Sam bellowed. "Let me show it ..." She took one piece of a rib and pressed it against Freddie's cheek. It didn't fall off, proving Sam's statement. [[75]]

Freddie was dismayed. He took anounce of Logan's Rib Rub and stuck it into Sam's nose, making her sneeze.

At the same time, Logan and Michael argued over barbecue techniques. Logan insulted Michael's grandma, while Michael made fun of Logan's spice mix. Thereupon, Michael had rubbed Chase's chest with rib rub, whereas Logan palmed Michael's face with his grandma's barbecue sauce.

Zoey and Chase had to intervene. "It seems we can't work together here. We need to build several teams."

Drake and Josh were desperate. They tried to get Megan to join their team.

"Why do you think I should work with you boobs in one team?" Megan asked them.

Drake and Josh had painful memories of the times when they didn't.[[76]]

"OK, I'll help you!" Megan announced. "But where is Lola?"

Drake sighed. "She says she has to stay slim for her next role. And barbecue ribs are too seductive!"

Megan nodded. "OK, boobs!"

Chase had finally sorted it out. "Logan, Sam, and I, we are one team. Zoey, Freddie, and Michael are on another."

They all agreed.

Dustin and Carly met in some corner.

"If Sam says that Le Mange is a fake, I believe her." Dustin said.

Carly nodded. "Sam may be rude and aggressive all the way, but she's not a liar."

"But how are we supposed to dismantle the fake Le Mange?" Dustin pondered.

Carly scratched her chin. "We'll have to borrow Tyler from Megan. I think he's the perfect trapper."

Dustin nodded.

Sam saw shirtless Gibby crossing the campus. "Hey! Wait, Gibby! I need to fill your pants with barbecue sauce! And then you'll get your daily wedgie bounce!"

=cut=

=cut=

"PCA General Channel. This is Jeremiah Trottman. Today we report about the first barbecue Rib Festival here at the PCA." Jeremiah choked in the usual way when he had to introduce his co-commentator: "Lola Martinez!"

Dean River delivered yet another boring sermon before the festival was officially opened.

Some pupils had found their barbecue partners only during the opening ceremony.

"Nicole?" Dana asked with dismay.

"Dana?!" Nicole coughed and choked noisily. "Ouch!"

Alas, they had a third partner in their team.

"Hi Dana and Nicole!" Stacey squealed. "What do you think of my barbecue set made of cotton swabs and white clue?"

Nicole and Dana were not interested. "We don't care!" Having declared that unison, they stared at each other, as they had hardly ever been of one opinion.

"Pierre Le Mange is cute! Isn't he cute? Tell me how cute he is!" Nicole swooned.

"And his arrrrms!" Stacey squealed with ecstacy. "Maybe some day I'll be Mrs. Stacey Le Mange!" Stacey kissed her cotton swab model.

"You're sick!" Dana declared. "Both of you! Le Mange is just a jerk!"

"Yeah," Nicole admitted, "but a cute jerk"

"And so incredibly hoooot!" Stacey swooned.

"Once more ..." Dana bellowed. "What drug are you on?"

"May you please squirt my ribs with mustard?" Stacey begged Nicole and Dana who were close to let their catfight escalate. "They taste bland without mustard. Hello ... please ... just a little squirt!"

"Sure!" Dana replied. She took a mustard bucket. Then she pulled Stacey's top and palmed her chest all over with mustard, from top to bottom. "There you are, you crazy wench!"

Stacey screamed piteously.

"Our first contestant is Team Ribs And Swabs, with Dana Cruz, Stacey Dillsen, and Nicole Bristow." Jeremiah announced.

Stacey had barely recovered from the dismay when Le Mange stood in front of her. "Hi Pierre! Look what I've made for you!" She handed him her model.

Le Mange feigned being pleased. "Oh, thanks, that's what I've always wanted!" He plastered a fake smile when he took the model and dropped it behind his back, without Stacey noticing.

Stacey squealed ecstatically. "I told you ..."

Dana handed a piece of a rib unto Pierre Le Mange.

"So, what do you think of it?" Lola asked Le Mange.

"Not too bad!" He smiled. But then he noticed that there was something hidden in the dressing. "What's that? A cotton swab?" He discarded it with disgust. "Disqualified!"

Stacey weeped in agony. Nicole and Dana accused each other and started fighting.

Zoey and Chase intervened and separated the two of them. "Sorry for our friends!"

Le Mange shrugged and walked on.

"The next contestant is some ... Tyler!" Lola announced.

"Here! My own creation, with jalapeno rub!" Tyler announced proudly.

Le Mange bit it and purred contentedly. "Yummy! ... 9 points!"

"We've heard it! Tyler has just set a new land mark!" Lola beamed.

Le Mange walked on.

Tyler took his cellular phone. "Hi Sam ... you've been right ... OK, I'll tell Carly! Roger and over!" He pushed the buttons.

Le Mange arrived at the table of Logan, Chase, and Sam. "A napkin, please!"

Logan smiled and handed the chef a paper napkin. A banknote of 100 bucks was hidden inside. "Sure, Sir!" He smiled.

"Thanks!" Le Mange beamed.

Chase handed Le Mange a half-gnawed rib. "Where's the rest gone?" He whispered into Logan's ear.

Logan shrugged helplessly.

Sam burped rudely and purred.

Pierre Le Mange chewed a bit at the remains of the rib. "Tastes like 9.6 points!"

"Wow!" Lola squealed. "Logan's world-famous rib rub has really cut it!"

"Don't worry, boob!" Megan whispered to Drake and Josh. "Reese can't win!"

"How do you know?" Josh wondered.

Megan whistled innocently.

"What's that green stuff we use for the ribs?" Drake wondered.

"It's tapenade, a recipe from Nevel's mom!" Megan explained. "Squished garlic, capers, and olives. Nothing illegal."

Drake shrugged ignorantly.

Suddenly, Officer Stu Stimpler [[77]] appeared. "Stop! This man is under arrest!"

Carly and Dustin followed Stimpler.

"We've been looking for that imposter for like two years." Stimpler told Rivers. "He's coming to every food festival and rips them all off."

Dean Rivers was dismayed. "I'm such a fool!"

"Fortunately, your pupils are smarter." Stu looked at Dustin and Carly.

"Howe did you recognise the fraud?" Rivers needed to know.

Dustin and Carly explained: "The real Pierre Le Mange is allergic to jalapeno. This imposter obviously isn't, as proven by Tyler's jalapeno rub!"

Dean Rivers admired the wit of his pupils.

Dustin hugged Carly and vice versa. Both of them blushed slightly.

Coco weeped.

Dean Rivers shrugged. "How are we going to continue?"

"With the REAL Pierre Le Mange, of course!" Dustin said.

Carly announced: "And there he is!"

"Sorry, the events are getting out of control ..." Jeremiah squealed. "The police has just arrested an imposter, and now there's the real guy!"

"The imposter had tied and locked him into a wardrobe ..." Stimpler explained.

Megan passed a note to Lola. "OK, Logan, what is the secret of your rib rub? I've heard that it's world famous!"

"Only the world's most famous spices are used!" Logan boasted. "The most exclusive ingredient is Peruvian puff pepper!"

Dean Rivers intervened. "Sorry, Mr. Le Mange, but, isn't that illegal? I've heard it causes kidney failure!"

"Oh, indeed, I've heard that it does!" Le Mange admitted. "Sorry, but team Reese is disqualified!"

Logan and Chase were immediately at each other's throat.

"Hey! Stop it!" Sam told her comrades, alas, this was in vain. "Uhm, did you say ... kidney failure?" She fainted, all of a sudden. She had eaten most of the ribs in no time. Now she expected to be deadly sick.

The true Le Mange repeated the tour and finally came to a conclusion.

"The second prize goes to team Michael Barret!" Trottman announced.

Zoey, Michael, and Freddie cheered.

"The first prize goes to ... Drake Parker, Joshua Nichols, and Megan Parker!" Lola declared. Then she stepped up to Drake and smooched the hell out of him.

Drake and Josh took Megan into their middle and squeezed her joyfully.

"Aw boob! Would you please stop it?" Megan boomed. "Now I have to burn my clothes. Too many boob germs. As you see, we may win anything we want, as long as you leave it all to me!"

"Aw Megan!" Josh and Drake moaned unison.

"Sorry, boobs, now I need to take care of poor Sam!" Megan announced.

"Drake, Lola ... sorry to butt in, but ..." Josh twiched. "You've got some tapenade all over your face!"

Megan waved and walked to Sam. "There's a great miraculous remedy against puff pepper."

Sam, who was already totally pale, wondered what this might be.

"It's the world-famous Benson Belly Rub!" Megan smirked.

"What?" Freddie and Sam remarked unison, totally disgusted.

"Freddie needs to rub Sam's belly as tenderly as possible, and the failure will disappear!" Megan insisted.

"Do it!" Carly boomed at Freddie. "If you ever liked me, you will do that for my best friend!"

Against better judgement, Freddie started to rub Sam's tummy.

"OK, Dustin ... Carly ..."Megan whispered to her friends. "Actually, Sam has eaten as much from Logan's as from Michael's ribs. The Barret Barbecue marinade neutralises the Reese rib rub. If Sam feels bad, it's all imagination, or she has just eaten too much. Way too much, plain and simple." She chuckled. "I've counterchecked in advance with Dr. Birnbaum from our medical station."

Dustin and Carly glared at Megan. "Aw you're ...one sister of a boob!" They chuckled merrily.

"But it's so cute watching the bickering frenemies do something good to each other!" Megan remarked with mischief in her eyes.

Dustin and Carly agreed wholeheartedly.

Sam moaned rudely when Freddie massaged her tummy, but it didn't really feel that bad. Sam almost liked it, and her stomach ached less and less. Of course she was not going to admit to that.

::

=cut=

[[75] ]cf. iCarly Show : iCarly Saves TV

[[76] ]cf. Drake & Josh : Peruvian Puff Pepper

[[77] ]from iCarly Show : iStakeOut